It’s been a year! A whole year!
24 posts published. 2 currently sitting in my drafts that I’m writing/editing. (Guess I’m posting the next one tomorrow!)
The earth has completed a full orbit around the sun, and we are back in the same physical location as we were 365 days ago.
My oh my, how much things have changed!
*starts thanking important people in her life as if she won an Oscar or Tony or something cool*
But really. A year ago I was spending my summer in Tennessee at my internship. I had no idea how much I would grow in my second year of graduate school, or know that I would basically be the sole advisor to my organization after my supervisor left in the spring. I had no idea I would have so much success at TPE, but also turn down every opportunity so I could be with my boyfriend again. Heck, at this time last year, I didn’t even think we were going to last through the summer, but here we are! So yes, a lot can change in a year.
In fact, let’s talk about some of those changes, and my reflections on each scenario. This goes a little hand-in-hand with my expectations blog I’m posting tomorrow, but I’ll try to keep it separate enough that you won’t get bored if you read them both!
First off, let’s go back to that whole turning down job things so I could be with my boyfriend. I talked a lot about this struggle and my justification in one of my last posts, but I was reading the other day and found a section that really resonated with me about it as well.
“I looked at these friends and realized: Well, duh, work is gratifying, but it isn’t everything, and it’s not fun to sleep with at night.” – Lauren Graham, Talking As Fast As I Can, page 90-91
What an interesting quote, Lorelai Gilmore! But honestly, I wish I would have had this quote a while ago. Work is gratifying, especially if you get to do what I do, but it’s not as gratifying when I go home to stare at my phone screen every night.
So my entire living situation with my boyfriend has changed. But what else?
NowI’mlivinginNorthCarolinahwhenIthoughtImaybelivingsomewhereelseespeciallyaftergettingajobafterTPEandayearagoIwasinTennesseeandwasn’tevensureifIknewwhatfunctionalareasIwantedtogointowithmycareerandIwasrunningbeforeIbrokemyfootandIwasstrugglingtofindselfcareandreallyfindsatisficationinthequietandthatiswhyIstartedthisjobinthefirstplacebutthenIrealizedIactuallyreallyloveditandIgotintoagreatroutineofbloggingandreadingatnightwithaglassofwineallcurledupinmybed. *starts huffing and puffing* Then… *deep breath* IwentbacktoschoolandmovedintoahousewithsomegirlsinmyprogramandonefriendofmineandIbecamereallycloseandwehadafulltimestaffmemberleavesoworkgotalotharderbutIwasproudofmyselffordoingsowellbutLawclasswaskickingmybuttandmakingmecryalotandtherewasjustalotgoingoninmylifebutthentheholidayswereanicebreakbeforethejobsearchbaganinthespringandtheneverythinggotreallycrazybuthenIgraduatedandImovedandI’mhappyandjustabouteverythingisdifferentthanitwasayearagobuteverythingisdefinitelybetteranditsdefinitelycrazyhowquickthingscanchange. Ineverpredictedmyselftobehere,butIwouldn’tradeitforanythingelse!
Moral of the story: I never predicted my life to be where it is now, but I also couldn’t imagine if it wasn’t this way. I am just so genuinely happy, so excited for the future, and still in slight disbelief that this is actually MY life.
Sean laughs at me because sometimes I’ll just break out into hysterical laughter, and say “Whose life IS this that I’m living?!” Because it just feels so surreal, like it’s something I hear about from friends or on Facebook but isn’t actually mine.
This is my life.
Because I worked for it.
I worked for my happiness. I worked for where I am.
Grad school wasn’t easy. A long distance relationship wasn’t easy. A big move by myself, without a job, wasn’t easy.
But when I care about something enough, you find the will power and motivation to make it easy-ER. (Get it? I was going to say easy, but then said easier? Yeah? No? Okay.)
Like I said in my one month birthday post, I will focus more time and energy on growing myself and pushing myself than pretending my problems don’t exist. You can’t solve a problem until you’re willing to overcome it. And you can’t overcome a problem if you’re not real about it.
And I did just that.
Good job, past Amanda.
Now go have a glass of wine and toast to the next 365 days.
quote of the day: “Write to teach about a topic you know something about… not to sell” – a quote I stole from Cindy Millet’s tweet