Well hey, it’s been a while.
TL;DR (which is the cool, hip, social-media way of saying too long; didn’t read AKA here is the short story):
Graduation – CHECK
Moving truck – CHECK
Apartment – CHECK
New car – CHECK
Next adventure – SURPRISE, I’M NANNYING
From day one, I told myself this blog was going to be real and raw. Even though I’m coming up on my blogging one-year anniversary (!!!), and I definitely haven’t blogged as much as I wanted to, I strive to keep my mission and goal. This blog is supposed to be reflective of my journey, and it’s no use to you or me if I fib or lie or twist it. So, here’s the rough truth: I don’t have a job. Yet. In Student Affairs. (Yet).
Want to know why I haven’t blogged in forever? I’ve been busy with my family. Well… I’ve been busy moving. Huh… uhm… I’ve been scared to. There we go. I have been busy with family and moving (all by myself), but honestly I have been embarrassed. Isn’t that kind of silly?
You see, I had what I call my college-life crisis during senior year when I panicked and thought “OMG what am I going to do with my life.” And that, my friends, is how I found graduate school and student affairs. So you can imagine that 2 years, thousands of working hours later, hundreds of class hours later, and lots of money (both from me and financial aid), I am insanely proud of my degree. Well, it definitely shoots your spirits down when you’ve been applying for jobs for five months (I submitted my first application January 13) and I still don’t have a job in my field.
But plot twist—I could have had a job already. But I turned those opportunities down.
Woah, hang on Amanda. You’re complaining about not having a job even though you just said you turned down opportunities?
Well, yes and no. Yes, I’m explaining how I am frustrated and my pride (honestly) is a little hurt. Am I complaining? I hope not. But I am trying to be real about how I feel, because this struggle, well, it IS real.
Let me explain why I turned down said jobs.
You see, here is where we enter the next point of discussion: prioritizing.
Let me get one thing clear: I moved to North Carolina. Without a job. I moved because I knew I was going to move here, because I was finally able to end my year-long long-distance relationship. But really, it was long. And I have never felt more relieved.
You see, random Internet reader (that I’m now calling my friend, because if you’re this far, you are now a friend of mine), I chose my life, my relationship, and my overall happiness over my job. I am fortunate that I receive an on-campus in February. I was offered that job. I turned down that job. I had great success at TPE. I was interested in a lot of jobs, but turned down the on-campus interviews that came with those. Why? At those places, I wouldn’t have had my needs.
Hold this thought. I’m going off on a quick tangent, but I’ll quickly be back.
Do you remember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? Ya know, that pyramid (not the food one) about how people are motivated to achieve certain base needs before they continue to the next level of less survival-baring needs? Well usually, it looks like this:
But note this: see how safety (which includes security of employment AKA a job and income) is lower than love/belonging (friends and family and my partner)? Well usually, this means that I would be motivated to achieve my needs of safety(job) before my needs of love(friendship). But, I highly disagree with this model for certain personalities, and this is why.
Let’s come back to “At those places, I wouldn’t have met my needs.”
Not to discredit Maslow, but I don’t think I function this way. I know that I would not have been happy in a job, no matter how much security it provided me financially, if I wasn’t near any family or friends. My top love language is quality time– I need to be WITH someone. Now that isn’t to say that I couldn’t pick up and move to a new city where I knew no one if I wanted to, but, I don’t. And that’s all there is to it. To be honest, I don’t need an explanation, but I feel like I should explain it anyway.
To me, having my relationship was more important than having a job (right away).
I wasn’t dependent on an immediate job. I’m thankful for that.
At those jobs, even though I would have been happy in the job, I wouldn’t have been as happy in my life. I wouldn’t have that quality time that I’ve been so desperately craving, to this point of where I have been starving for it. That time is the most important to me, and I knew that is what I genuinely needed.
So that’s why I said no. A job is replaceable, but my heart is not.
This isn’t my time to move my life according to a job. I will hopefully have that time in the future, but this is Sean’s time. We’re in this partnership together. And as long as I have that quality time with him, then I know that part of my life is being fulfilled.
I feel better now that we got that all cleared up.
Okay, now back to that surprise and my current life update.
This summer, I’m nannying! And you know what? It’s great. It’s a break for myself. A time to relax and prioritize my life and look at it critically instead of feeling rushed. It’s a chance to give my 18+ years of school (20 if you include kindergarten and pre-K) a break. I want to focus on what I want from life, and in life.
Maybe I want to do something else. Maybe I want to continue my career in Student Affairs to become a Dean of Students, or maybe I would rather start a career as a flight attendant. Or maybe I wanna be a full time nanny. Or a teacher. Or or or…
My life isn’t ending because my career is beginning.
I don’t know where it will go, but it’s time to stop living for the future. I want to live for the now, whatever that now is.
quote of the day: “It’s easy to talk about adventure, but it’s more fun to go out and find it.” – probably someone insightful somewhere, but also my Instagram caption