Don’t live through your countdowns

29 days.

15 more one-on-ones.

9 classes.

4 more weeks.

3 more exec meetings.

2 more projects.

1 more month.

Everything is assigned a number.

With the end in sight, I’m focused on how I am going to get there. How many steps are left until I reach the finish line.

But the truth is, I have the same amount of time left. It doesn’t matter if I measure it in meetings or classes or silly conversations with my students, or measure it in love (teehee)– it’s going to be the same number of minutes until I cross that stage.

So how am I going to spend it?

– – –

This all hit me the other day when I was scheduling a dinner with two of my students to our favorite place in Gainesville for one of our final one-on-ones. Then I realized, we only have three of them left. Take one away for dinner. That leaves two. ONLY TWO.

That’s when the reality set in.

We have spent the entire year together, but now it’s almost over.

Everything I have loved about this year, and everything that has *challenged* me too much this year, is coming to an end. Like, realistically coming to an end. Like, not just “oh man we graduate soon” end, but also the “oh crap I need to order a moving truck before they are all reserved but WHEN AM I ACTUALLY MOVING OUT” coming to an end.

– – –

I’m starting to feel the “You’re Going To Miss This” sadness (not sure why I feel so sentimental tonight). How I’m going to miss chatting with my students. How I’m going to miss interactions with our housekeeping staff every day when they come in to change our trash can. How I’m going to miss sitting at my cute little desk and staring out my window to look across the beautiful North Lawn. And how I’m even going to somehow and weirdly miss “yelling” at my students to keep the work table clean.

I know I’ll have this again. Not them, not my students, but that feeling of comfort. The feeling of home. The feeling of “I love what I do and I know that I am good at it” type feeling. The feeling of knowing I am working hard, making a difference, and that my work is appreciated. But it’s still hard knowing that it is coming to an end.

– – –

The countdown is getting smaller. I know I am going to miss this when I leave *cough in 29 days cough*. So how am I going to spend it so I truly enjoy each moment, soak in my interactions, and make the most of the time I have left without rushing to the finish line too fast?

 

XOXOXO, amandarae

quote of the day: *I want to insert a quote from Neil Hilborn or Ashlee Haze since they performed last night, but I left Neil’s book at work and Ashlee’s is in the mail on the way to me so I’ll just have to update this later and you’ll just have to look at this photo for now instead*

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